I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
