i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
