theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
