life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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