i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
