He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
