TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
