the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
