talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
