she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize