Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
