I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
