i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
