There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
