Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
