I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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