Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
