You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
