I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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