I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
