the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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