you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Floor bacon is actually really good
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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