I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
