Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
