I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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