im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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