You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
