Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
4 words: hood of his car
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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