i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
