how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
As shirtless as possible
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize