if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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