I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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