She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
