went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
