There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
