the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
