I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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