pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
