so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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