Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
