We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize