White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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