honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
did you just send me my own nude
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
