dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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