all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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