No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
is it fun? or sober?
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