I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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