he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
