The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
