the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
is that a dick in a sweater?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
