no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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