just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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