my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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