dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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