he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
