I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
