Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
