It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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