After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize