hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
