guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
