Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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