Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
