I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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