Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I looked at my own cervix.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
