Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize