Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
