I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
