You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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