He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
