I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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