i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize