I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
