i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
