it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
