I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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