Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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