Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
