My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize