Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
