VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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