I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
