are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
