I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
