There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
