those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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