the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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