everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Shame - the story of my life.
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