Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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