so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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