I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
