brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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