Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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